As It Happens 12.2012

23 Dec

Hello Again….

So.. I left off at my not so long distance relationship.  Perhaps it was too soon after divorcing my second wife.  I mean really…, one can only guess and  offer opinions as to the whys and why nots.  This relationship had plenty potential…I think most do really, but, I dropped out one more time for the final time.  You see, even that wasn’t me.  I was in the relationship and then a couple of times, I think because we didn’t spend much time with one another really, I dropped out.  One of those times in particular, she told me that she didn’t want to give up on our relationship.  That as soon as she quit her job, she was going to move here with me and marry me.  That was what I wanted to hear, what I wanted to happen.  But I think it was more about the idea for me than the particular person I was with at the time.  Don’t get me wrong, she is a good woman.  Kind hearted, great mom, wonderful kisser and the boudoir action was pretty damned memorable.  But..I saw things, experienced things in between the times we spent together that made me have some serious doubts.  Red Flags, if you will.    One time she spent 5 or 6 weeks with me here and that was just enough for a honeymoon kind of feel.  Things worked just fine.  I think the absence and the fact that there was always a reason she couldn’t make it here got old…it just got worn out.  Why not me go there?  There are many good reasons for that.  One of them being that the demographics of the area she’s from, still lived in and me do not mix.  To be blunt..it’s potentially life threatening for me to go to her home town.  Strange in this day and age in America these things still exist…..They do.  Without a doubt,,they do.

It all started on line for us.  I’m guessing there are some on line programs for meeting people that are set up to have a pretty high successful rate of good matches…or Not.  I don’t know.  I’m not stuck in the dark ages or anything, I just think that meeting someone in person and having all of the things happen, that can only happen when you meet someone for the first time ‘In Person’.   Live reaction to witness a blush or spinach caught in between your teeth, the shy or coy look, the cute awkwardness of trying to be perfect and on and on.  These things can only be witnessed in person.  That leaves me in the minority, definitely.  I know that in the beginning she greeted me initially in a stereotypical manner, with some stereotypical phrases..I guess that should’ve been my sign that there’s not much here between the two of us.  Not meaning to put her in a bad light..maybe this would’ve worked for someone else who would’ve responded in like manner to her.  Right off the bat, I was trying to prove that we don’t all look the same and we don’t all act the same and we don’t all use the same vernacular.  

In the meantime we press forward, even though she didn’t follow through on her statement.  ‘NO’ she did not move here after she quit her job and ‘NO’ we did not get married.  Looking at that now, it’s a relief.  Look..this is not desperation time for me.  I am an older guy, pretty good looking-not just for my age-, in great shape, again not just for my age and the world pushes and pumps and accepts everything that is young, new and loud.  That’s okay.  I’ve been young, new and loud.  Even then I knew that was not all there was to things.  I had deep connections to my parents, their friends and my grand parents as well.  A lot of love and respect for them and they taught me so much.  So what?????  You get older and you don’t need love in your life any longer?  You have children and grand children and that should do.  Bullshit!!!  I want my mental, physical and spiritual match…and I deserve that and then some.  I worked hard through two marriages as a devoted partner, so it’s my turn now.  If you haven’t all ready picked up from my ranting here, let me say that my four year investment of emotionally charged doings failed.  Mainly due to differences that five, ten hears ago, I would have pushed through and labeled it ‘give and take’ in my relationship.  Maybe..in most cases during the events of the past four years, but this came down to one crucial event that would call for one of us to cave in on some basic morals and principals.  That someone would’ve been me.  Given the distance, not seeing one another with any regularity, the numerous occasions we couldn’t get together because something was going on there and the fact that I was waffling in a relationship (which I’ve not done in the past)…this all spelled  ‘THE END’ pretty clearly.  The difference this time?  No tears, no licking my wounds, no giving her options, no children involved, no ‘get out of my house’…just simply…I’m not going to do this any longer.  Not a happy moment.   Not a cataclysmic one either.

So..here I stand, bound, determined and confident that what I seek in a relationship still awaits me to enter the ring.  I take notice of women..I mean, how can you not..but I do keep my distance.  There are defining moments that bring things, all things to a point of critical mass.  That time when chain reactions happen.  Once it starts, there is no stopping it.  It has to run the course and will continue to do so until that full chain reaction is finished.  Mine is out there waiting, wondering around and ready to respond to the proper input.  Bound to truly love and be loved truly in return.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

As It Happens 12.2012

8 Dec

Love..What an ordeal for some of us.  I’d say that the connotation, the true meaning of love has been clouded over for some time now.  The whole process, you know.  Meeting ‘The One’, going through all the notions (some of us), the initial meeting, first date, first kiss, sex and on and on and on.  There is so much ‘so called’ expert information and many expert opinions out there that one would think this ‘Love’ thing would be a snap.  But..it aint.  Far from it.  In spite of all the information and expert opinions, he divorce rate (in the United States) is reputed to be 50% for first time marriages and even higher for second marriages.  We won’t even get into what are reputed to be the many causes such as abuse, lack of commitment, not understanding what ‘Love’ really is and what’s involved in preserving a relationship, lack of problem solving skills..etc, etc.

I’m a ‘boomer’ and I’m not claiming to have a clearer view on this ‘Love’ thing.  If anything, I’m more confused than some of the later generations, whom it would seem, had the advantage of access to more information.  But you know along with the information on love and relationships came information on quite a few related topics as well as drastic financial and social changes.  For example..Women and their place(s) outside the homes and on all the many  socio-economic platforms, women’s empowerment, the true post-nuclear family with both parents working, the fact that the economy dictated, in most cases, that in most house holds both parents had to work in order for the family unit to survive.  This fact alone put a huge amount of stress on family units and you literally worked both ends of the clock in order to have a bit of quality family time.  The ramifications of both parents being out of the home working, increased the chances for many things to happen that were not conducive to strengthening the marriage or family bond.  Now…’DO NOT READ ANYTHING INTO TO THESE LAST STATEMENTS’.  I’m nowhere being a chauvinist.  I worked to empower my Mom and  sisters way before it was the thing to do..and I most certainly worked tirelessly to empower my daughters and encourage my wives as well.  No applause necessary here…I have had these notions and beliefs even prior to fully understanding them.

So..I took the long-winded route to bring the topic to the surface.  ‘Myself’ and my own Affairs du Amor.  You probably caught that when I mentioned “Wives”.  Yes, it’s true..two of them.  The mother of my children (my first wife) and best friend and what turned out to be a 12 year baby sitting job (my second wife).  At this point, there is a part of me that is somewhat hardened and callous to the idea of true love.  I spent 25 of 33 years married.  Not all bad, not all full of horror.  They did not last but, I still know love.  Still know that as one would risk everything financially to make a ton of money, you ‘Can Not’ truly experience Love without risking a lot of yourself.  And as well, some people don’t feel that to find ‘True Love’ is worth the risk.  I’m not arguing that point at all.  There are parts of me that feel the exact same way.  This might sound selfish or like moment after you have a battle victory..I assure you, it is neither.  I have the best my first wife had to offer..Our Children.  I raised them myself, a single dad, before the phrase ‘Mr Mom’ was around.  I was even audited by the IRS year for years on my tax returns.  Why?  Because I’m almost certain they figured it was an attempt to defraud them.  Me and my children is food for stories at another time.  Back me and my callousness…I met a woman about four years ago and this turned out to be a long distance relationship.  Not cross-country long or even the next state over long.  Just three hours away long distance and it still turned out to be a case where this short distance was enough to make it appear like it was cross-country.

Aha..So that is the ground work for another blog.  An opportunity for me to fill in some more blanks with my not-so long distance relationship and how it’s going……or not.